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So, sexual-massage—it’s like, part relaxin’, part “woo-hoo!” Ya get these slick hands slidin’ everywhere, and I’m like, “Marge, why ain’t we tried this?!” Little known fact—ancient Greeks were all over this! Called it “anatripsis”—fancy, huh? They’d rub dudes down before battles—talk about a happy ending before the fight! D’oh! Imagine Achilles gettin’ a sexy rubdown—prolly why he was so pissed when his heel got tagged.

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Finally, I get home, and I’m typing away like a madman. I’m sweating, my hair’s a mess, and I’m still thinking about that stupid tomato. But then, I get a message from my friend. She’s like, “Let’s hit up that new bar on Rákóczi utca tonight!” I’m like, “Heck yes!”

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