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So check this—erotic massage ain’t just some rubdown with fancy oils, nah. It’s old as hell, goes back to them ancient Chinese cats, like 2700 BC, usin’ it to “balance the chi” or whatever. Little known fact? Them Taoist priests were freaky—thought it’d make ya live longer, get ya closer to the gods. Me? I’m like, “Bruh, sign me up!”—‘cept I ain’t tryna meet no gods, just tryna feel that zing, ya know? Makes me happy as a kid with a popsicle, ‘til I think ‘bout how some folks mess it up—sloppy hands, no rhythm, ugh, pisses me off! Like, dude, you’re killin’ the vibe, learn the craft!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring! I mean, like, buckets! I’m sprinting down the street, trying to find cover. I duck into this little café on Rákóczi utca. It’s cozy, smells like fresh pastries. I order a slice of dobos torte, and it’s like heaven in my mouth.

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