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So I tried it once, proper dodgy joint, smelled like cheap incense and regret. Bird’s hands on me, I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Ricky, you’ve peaked!” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow” – mate, only flow I felt was my wallet gettin’ lighter. “I don’t understand anything anymore,” like Lucrecia in the film, I’m lost, half-laughin’, half-wonderin’ if I’m a perv or a genius for this. Cost me a ton, too – 80 quid for 30 minutes! Daylight robbery, but those hands? Bloody magic.

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud noise. It’s coming from the old mill on the edge of town. I run over, and what do I find? A bunch of kids trying to catch a rat for a school project. I’m like, “Seriously? You guys are nuts!” But they’re all hyped up, and I can’t help but join in. We set up a trap, and after a few minutes, we catch this little guy. The kids are cheering, and I’m just standing there, thinking, “What have I gotten myself into?”

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