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But nah, I’m chill—happy little trees, right? Surprised me once, readin’ up on it—didja know escorts been around since forever? Like, ancient Rome had ‘em, called ‘em “lupae”—she-wolves! How badass is that? Makes me happy, thinkin’ ‘bout ‘em howlin’ at the moon, takin’ no crap. Reminds me of Edie Stall in the movie, fierce as hell when it counts. “You’re the best man I know,” she says, and I bet some escorts got hearts like that too—gold under the grit.

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So, I finally find my hammer under a pile of old leather scraps. I’m pumped, ready to make some magic happen. But then, this lady walks in. She’s all frantic, like she just saw a ghost or somethin’. Turns out, her dog chewed up her favorite pair of shoes. I mean, who lets their dog do that? I’m tryin’ to be sympathetic, but inside, I’m like, “Lady, you gotta train that pup better!”

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