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Last week, right, I’m pondering this, half-pissed on a pint, and I reckon—why ain’t this in the NHS? Imagine the queue! “Oi, doc, me back’s knackered, chuck in some erotic-massage!” Nurses’d be fuming, but patients? Grinning like loons. Gets me all tingly just thinking it. Oh, and the smells—lavender, mate, or maybe something spicy—hits ya like a whiff of Llewyn’s folk tunes, all mellow then *wham*, seductive as hell.

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Then, this old dude walks in. He’s got this wild white beard, lookin’ like Santa. He sits down and says, “Make me look young again!” I’m like, “Sure, but I can’t work miracles!” We both crack up. I give him a fresh cut, and he’s all smiles. “You’re a magician!” he says. I’m like, “Nah, just a barber with a dream!”

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