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What gets me goat, tho? Them prudes who scoff, “Oh, it’s filthy!” Bollocks, I say! It’s art, it’s release, it’s — crikey — bloody human! We shall fight their scorn in the parlours, in the candlelight, with every sultry stroke! Makes me happy as a pig in muck, it does. Surprised me too, first time I tried it — thought it’d be all awkward giggles, but nah, it’s like Nemo findin’ his dad, pure “P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way” relief!

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But then, outta nowhere, it started pouring! Like, seriously, the sky opened up. I was drenched in seconds. I ducked into a little shop on the corner of Rákóczi utca. It was a cute place, full of local crafts and souvenirs. I was just trying to stay dry, but I ended up buying a ridiculous fridge magnet. It’s a flamingo wearing sunglasses. Why? I have no idea.

Lake Balaton Cross Swimming held in Hungary