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So, picture this, yeah? Some geezer, trained up proper, not just any muppet, working them fingers like he’s calming a spooked horse. It’s *ars gratia artis* – art for art’s sake, but with a naughty twist! Little known fact, right – back in ancient Rome, they’d do this at the baths, all oiled up, toga off, *cave felis* – beware the cat, or somethin’ like that! Makes me chuckle, them posh Romans getting frisky between chariot races.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I can’t even. So, I wake up in Balassagyarmat, right? The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.

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