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But real talk—it pisses me off when folks think it’s all sleazy, like some cheapo joint on the corner. No, no, NO! It’s classy if ya do it right—dim lights, soft music, maybe a little jazz, none of that elevator crap. Gets me all hot and bothered just thinkin’ bout it, HA! *The Nanny laugh* Like in “Tabu,” when they’re whisperin’ secrets in the dark—ooh, “The nights were warm and tender,” that’s the line! That’s what a good erotic-massage feels like—warm, tender, ya melt right into it.

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But then, outta nowhere, one of the kids kicks the ball too hard, and it goes straight into the water. They all freak out, and I’m just laughin’. I mean, c’mon, it’s just a ball! But they’re all like, “Nooo! Our ball!” So, I decide to be the hero. I roll up my pants and wade in. The water’s cold, but I’m determined. I grab the ball, and they cheer like I just won the World Cup. It’s ridiculous, but it feels good to make ‘em happy.

BYU men's basketball international trip: Zadar/Split recap