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About Karlovac

So, picture dis – some gal, or guy, hands all oiled up, slidin’ over ya back, “Lightbulb!” – tension gone, poof! It’s not just rubbin’, nah, it’s art, like dem fancy painters, but wit skin. I seen it once, sneaky-like, in prison – contraband massage, ha! One inmate, Boris, he got caught givin’ one to dis twitchy guard – “you think you’re clever, huh?” – straight outta “Leviathan”, dat vibe. Guard was pissed, red face, but Boris? Smirkin’, happy as pig in mud!

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First off, I hit up the local bakery on Trg kralja Tomislava. Best pastries ever! I grab a kremšnita, and oh boy, it’s like heaven in my mouth. But then, I spill coffee all over my favorite matador cape. Ugh! Seriously, why can’t I just be a normal person?

In old-world Croatia, here are four trendy towns worth visiting