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Alright, listen up, you degenerates! Erotic-massage—yeah, it’s a thing. Slippery hands, dim lights, some poor sap thinkin’ it’s therapy. Everybody lies, right? They say it’s “relaxation,” but c’mon—those moans ain’t from stress relief. Watched *The Hurt Locker* last night, and hell, it’s like defusing a bomb. One wrong move, boom—awkward boner! Kathryn Bigelow gets it—tension’s the game.

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First off, I woke up late. Classic me. Alarm didn’t go off. I’m sprinting down the streets of Kastel-Novi, dodging tourists like I’m in some kind of Olympic event. I mean, who knew people could walk so slow? I’m talking about the main drag, Ulica Kralja Tomislava. It’s a beautiful street, lined with cafes and shops, but I’m just trying to get to the lab.

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