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Argh, matey, listen up! Me, Cap’n Jack Sparrow, scientist o’ the weird, be ramblin’ bout somethin’ saucy—erotic-massage, savvy? Picture this: hands slidin’ over skin, all slow-like, tension meltin’ like rum in the sun. Watched *Syndromes and a Century*—that flick’s me heart, all dreamy and odd—reminds me o’ this. “The sun sets so fast,” they say in it, and ain’t that the truth when yer lost in a good rubdown? Time slips, mate, like a ship through fog.

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After that chaos, I decide to chill at the park near Ulica Janka Draškovića. It’s usually peaceful, right? But today, there’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re loud as hell. I’m trying to relax, but all I hear is “GOAL!” and “Pass it!” I’m like, “Can’t a guy catch a break?”

Martinje: Croatians celebrate the holy day of wine today