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About Split

Oi, mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as hell, “shaken, not stirred.” So, I’m a sign language interpreter now, yeah? Hands flyin’, tellin’ stories without a peep. Let’s chat erotic-massage, ‘cos why not? It’s bloody sensual, innit—hands slidin’, oils drippin’, tension meltin’ like ice in my martini. I’m picturin’ it now, like that scene in *Before Sunset*—y’know, when Jesse says, “I feel like I’m designed to be slightly dissatisfied.” That’s me, always chasin’ that next thrill, and erotic-massage? It’s a bleedin’ tease, keeps you wantin’ more.

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Then, this lady, right? She’s got a dog. A tiny one, like a rat with fur. She’s all, “Can my dog come in?” I’m like, “Sure, but he better not press any buttons!” So, we’re all crammed in there, and the dog starts yappin’. I’m tryin’ to keep my cool, but inside, I’m like, “What’s next? A cat?”

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