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So, sexual-massage—proper saucy stuff! It’s all about hands, oils, and—ehem—happy endings, yeah? Not your nan’s back rub, that’s for sure. I reckon it’s *faber est suae quisque fortunae*—each bloke’s fate’s his own, right? You walk in, dim lights, some lass or lad’s got magic fingers, and bam—you’re in dodgy heaven! Little-known fact, mind—back in Victorian days, docs used “pelvic massage” to fix “hysteria” in women. Blimey, talk about a randy cure! Makes me chortle—imagine ol’ Churchill getting one, “We shall knead—on the beaches!”

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But then, he drops his drink. It spills everywhere. I’m furious! I just cleaned that bar top! I’m about to lose it when he looks at me with these puppy dog eyes. I can’t stay mad. I just roll my eyes and pour him another.

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