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But then, I dunno, there’s somethin’ cool about it too. They’re hustlin’, like Freddie in *The Master*, screamin’, “I’m a man, a man!”—ownin’ it, no shame. Pretty, pretty good, right? I’m slicin’ brisket, thinkin’, maybe I’d hire one—just to talk! Ha! Imagine me, awkward as hell, “So, uh, you like pork chops?”—she’d laugh, I’d die inside. Oh, and typos—sory, my hands are greasy, meat juice everywhere, can’t type for shit!

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But then, this one guy, let’s call him Marko, starts telling me about this hidden beach near the old town. I’m intrigued. “Where’s this beach?” I ask. He’s all secretive, like it’s some kind of treasure. “You’ll have to find it yourself,” he says with a smirk.

PHOTOS: New bridge in Trogir attracts attention