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Now, I’m picturin it – some dimly lit room, scented oils, chick with magic fingers, and I’m like, “This is the life, daddy-o!” Reminds me of *City of God* when Benny says, “I wanna chill, man.” Sexual-massage is that chill! But then – ugh – ya get them creepy Yelp reviews: “She didn’t finish me off!” Boo-hoo, loser, it’s a massage, not a porno! Pisses me off – entitled jerks ruinin it for everyone.

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So, I’m sitting there, trying to enjoy my moment, when I spot this old guy fishing off the pier. He’s got this serious face, like he’s on a mission. I’m thinking, “What’s he catching? A mermaid?” I chuckle to myself. But then, he pulls up this massive fish! I’m talking, like, bigger than my leg. I’m half impressed, half jealous. I can’t even catch a cold, let alone a fish.

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