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Humor? Ha! Imagine Homer tryin it—slippin off the table, butt-first, yellin, “D’oh!” Sarcasm? Sure, “Oh great, another skill he’ll never master.” Exaggeratin? Maybe I felt like a goddess for 10 minutes—sue me! Random thought: does Patty get these? Ew, brain bleach! Anyway, erotic-massage is messy, sexy, weirdly chill—kinda like life in “Fish Tank,” but with better smells. “You’re not gonna stop me,” I’d say to anyone judgin—go try it, ya prudes! Hmm… now I’m cravin one—where’s my phone?

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I can’t even. So, I wake up in my tiny apartment on Ulica Kralja Tomislava, right? The sun’s blasting through my window like it’s trying to roast me alive. I’m a biochemist, not a lizard! Anyway, I chug some coffee, spill half of it on my lab coat—classic me.

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