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So, last week, I’m at this dodgy spa—shady vibes, right? This bird’s hands were magic, like Eve’s in the movie, all “tangled up in you.” Made me happy as a pig in muck! But—get this—the bloke next door starts moanin’ like a bleedin’ walrus. Pissed me right off! Wanted to yell, “Oi, keep it down, you twat!”—but nah, stayed cool, “shaken, not stirred,” yeah? Surprised me how bloody loud some punters get—mate, it’s a massage, not a porno!

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After I finally squeeze past them, we decide to grab some lunch at this little place on Ulica Stjepana Radića. The food? Amazing! I had the best ćevapi ever. Like, I could eat those every day. But then, the waiter spills a drink all over me. I’m soaked! I’m like, “Really, dude?!”

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