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Oi mate, so I’m a bloody Typhlopedagogue now, yeah? Teachin’ blind folks, what a gig! Anyway, you wanna hear about erotic-massage? Alright, buckle up, ya filthy animal! It’s all handsy, slippery nonsense innit? Some geezer rubbin’ you down with oil, like you’re a bleedin’ chip pan. I reckon it’s half-relaxin’, half-awkward as fuck. Imagine it—dim lights, dodgy music, and some stranger’s paws all over ya bits! Hah, makes me cackle just thinkin’ about it.

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So, I’m tryin’ to shake it off, right? I head over to the beach. The sand is warm, and the waves are crashin’. I plop down and just breathe. But then, I see this group of tourists. They’re takin’ selfies like it’s the end of the world. I can’t help but roll my eyes. “Get a life, people!” I mutter.

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