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*robotic voice kicks in* Helllooo mate, it’s me, Stephen Hawking, cosmic parachutist firefighter, droppin’ wisdom from the skies! So, erotic-massage – right, lemme tell ya, it’s like a black hole of relaxtion, sucks ya right in! Been thinkin’ bout it while jumpin’ outta planes, flames all around, and I’m like – shit, wouldn’t an erotic-massage be ace after this? Muscles all tight from parachutin’, then bam – some oiled-up hands just kneadin’ ya, cosmic energy flowin’.

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I been to some hidden gems too. There's a tucked away café on Varnassa that’s my fav. Low key, hip-hop beats in the background, coffee so strong it’ll wake the dead. Like, it's one of those secret spots – you’d miss it if you blink, ya know? And don’t even get me started on the crumbling yet beautiful ruins near the harbor. Ugh, some parts are run down and frustrating, but they tell real stories, like gritty truths. Felt kinda mad there one time, yet happy – wild mix, man.

Vodafone links Crete to the 2Africa subsea cable system