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Still, when it’s good, oof, it’s bliss! Muscles sigh, loins wink, and thou’rt thinkin’, “Aye, this be the stuff!” ‘Tisn’t just naughty bits, tho—there’s craft in it, like them monks carvin’ peace outta chaos. “Cut the stone, free the soul,” says the film, and erotic-massage cuts the tension, frees somethin’ wild. Ever tried it with a mate? Me ex, bless her, botched it—slapped oil on me like I’m a fryin’ cod! Laughed ‘til I cried, swear it.

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After that little fiasco, I decide to take a breather. I stroll down to the park near the Spata Olympic Hall. It’s beautiful there, man. Trees, flowers, and families having picnics. I sit on a bench, just trying to chill. But then, this kid runs by, kicks a soccer ball, and it hits me right in the leg! I’m like, “What’s next? A meteor?”

Hillsborough grandma and granddaughter make masks for community