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Once met this bird, swear it, workin’ the streets near Birmingham. Tough as nails, she was—called ‘erself Ruby. Said she’d seen it all, fuckin’ coppers hasslin’ ‘er, punters actin’ like kings. Reminded me of that movie line, “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ enemies.” She had enemies, alright—whole bloody world against ‘er. Broke my heart, mate, but she laughed it off. “Ozzy,” she says, “life’s a fuckin’ riot.” Fuckin’ surprised me, that grit—loved ‘er for it.

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But just when I’m feelin’ all warm and fuzzy, I get a call from my boss. He’s like, “Where are you? We need more kvas!” I’m like, “Dude, I just spilled a whole batch!” He’s not havin’ it. I’m back to stress mode.

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