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So, picture this – bloke I know, right, went on a sex-date, proper chuffed. Met this bird off Hinge, thought he’s in, yeah? Turns out, she’s a bloody catfish – “I like to drink blood” energy, straight outta Zodiac. He legged it, mate, no shagging there! Made me howl, that did – sex-dating’s a minefield, innit? You’re dodgin’ weirdos, hopin’ for a shag, it’s mental.

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First thing, I hit up my favorite café on Eleftheriou Venizelou. You know, the one with the killer espresso? I grab my usual—double shot, no sugar. I need that jolt. I’m sittin’ there, mindin’ my biz, when I overhear this old dude talkin’ about the horse races at the local track. He’s all like, “You gotta bet on the chestnut stallion!” I’m thinkin’, “Dude, that’s my horse!”

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