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Like, literally, escort in sports? Wild! So I’m totes a sports psychologist now, right? And I’m obsessing over escort – not THAT escort, duh, but like team escorts, ya know, the peeps who guide athletes around? I saw this one time, at a game, this escort chick was, like, SO extra. She’s yelling at some poor dude who got lost – “This isn’t Rome, babes!” – and I’m like, dying laughing. Reminds me of *The Great Beauty*, that vibe of chaos, y’know? “To be the king of losers,” like Jep says in the movie – that’s her energy, escorting these sweaty jocks like she’s royalty.

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First customer walks in. This dude, I swear, he’s got a face like a bulldog. Orders a whiskey neat. I pour it, and he’s like, “Make it strong!” I’m thinkin’, “Buddy, it’s already strong enough to knock a goat out.” But whatever, I’m not here to judge.

Quake rocks south Greece