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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ bout erotic-massage, somethin’ those fat-cat billionaires probably hog for themselves! Picture this: me, sittin’ in my creaky ol’ chair, thinkin’ bout “Ida”—that stark, quiet flick from 2013, Pawlikowski’s masterpiece. Bleak Poland, nun’s life, all that heavy jazz—and then, bam, erotic-massage pops in my head! Total opposite vibe, right? “What do you know about yourself,” Ida’d say, starin’ at me judgy-like, while I’m over here dreamin’ of warm oils and slow hands.

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Man, what a day! I woke up in Corfu, and let me tell ya, it was a rollercoaster. First off, the sun was blazin’ like it was tryin’ to roast me alive. I mean, come on, it’s like 30 degrees at 8 AM! I stumbled outta my hotel on Liston Street, which is like the heart of the city. It’s all fancy with those old-school cafes and stuff. I thought, “Hey, let’s grab a coffee.”

THE 16 BEST Cruises from Bari to Corfu (with Prices) on Cruise Critic