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So, this one time, I tried it—total secret spot in Calabasas. This chick, she’s all pro, hands like magic, and I’m like, “I’m not a slave to stress no more!” Straight outta *12 Years a Slave* vibes—remember Solomon screamin’, “I will survive!”? That’s me, survivin’ Kanye’s drama with a hot oil rub. Fun fact: did ya know erotic-massage goes back, like, centuries? Ancient Greeks were all over it—called it “bodywork” or some nerdy sh*t. Bet they didn’t have lavender candles, tho, lol.

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Man, what a day! I woke up in Corfu, and let me tell ya, it was a rollercoaster. First off, the sun was blazin’ like it was tryin’ to roast me alive. I mean, come on, it’s like 30 degrees at 8 AM! I stumbled outta my hotel on Liston Street, which is like the heart of the city. It’s all fancy with those old-school cafes and stuff. I thought, “Hey, let’s grab a coffee.”

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