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Oh, and the music—don’t get me started! Some cheesy flute crap, like I’m in a yoga class for perverts. I’m lyin’ there, picturin’ Doc smokin’ a joint, sayin’, “Dig it, man, far out,” while I’m goin’, “Far out? I’m freakin’ out!” Funny thing? She told me some clients fall asleep. ASLEEP! How do ya sleep with some stranger kneadin’ ya like dough? I was wide awake, countin’ ceiling tiles, prayin’ she don’t slip and “accidentally” graze somethin’.

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But then, I spot this guy selling handmade wooden stuff. I’m a sucker for that. I go over, and he’s got these cool carvings of animals. I’m like, “Dude, I need that owl!” It’s so detailed, I can almost hear it hoot. I buy it, and for a moment, I’m feelin’ all warm and fuzzy inside.

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