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But then—here’s the rant part—I get pissed! The music’s some cheesy whale sounds, and I’m like, “What am I, a dolphin? Gimme somethin’ with grit!” And the towel’s too small—my tuchus is hangin’ out, freezin’! I’m yellin’ in my head, “Cover me up, lady, I’m not an exhibitionist!” But she’s good, real good—slidin’ those hands like she’s sculptin’ a masterpiece. I’m surprised, shocked even—didn’t think I’d be this relaxed AND this—uh—excited! It’s a freakin’ paradox!

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Kefalonia Massage Team-Christina: Relaxing couples massage in Christina’s beautiful garden - See traveler reviews, 50 candid photos, and great deals for Argostolion, Greece, at .

So, I decide to take a stroll down to the waterfront. The view? Breathtaking. The water’s all sparkly, and the boats are bobbing like they’re dancing. I’m feeling good, you know? But then, I see this seagull. And not just any seagull. This dude is a menace. He swoops down and snatches a sandwich right outta some poor tourist’s hand. I’m cracking up, but the tourist? Not so much.

Strong and shallow M 6.1 earthquake struck island of Cephalonia, Greece