Samantha Archangelos Erotic Massage ❤️

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Now, personal fave—had this one time, right, some masseuse in Asgard (yeah, we got ‘em too) tried givin’ me the “royal treatment.” Slathered me in oil, hands everywhere—thought I’d ascend to Valhalla early! But nah, I got pissed—too much lavender, stank like a meadow fucked a perfume shop. I’m yellin’, “I see a vast horizon!”—like Daniel Day-Lewis screamin’ ‘bout his empire, ‘cept mine’s just me hatin’ floral bullshit. Gimme somethin’ gritty, earthy—oil, not petals, ya dolts!

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But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my boss. He’s like, “Where are ya?” I’m like, “Chillin’ with moussaka, bro!” He didn’t find it funny. So, I chugged my drink, paid up, and dashed outta there. I took a shortcut through the back alleys, and let me tell ya, Archangelos has some sketchy spots. I almost tripped over a stray cat. That little furball looked at me like I was the intruder.

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