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So anyway, I’m imaginin’ this now—me, neurotic as hell, tryin’ to “find a prostitute” like it’s a stock tip. I’d overthink it—disease risks, legal crap, am I gettin’ scammed? I’d be yellin’ at my phone, “Gimme a sign, dammit!” And then—bam—some chick’s profile pops up, all mysterious, like Monica Bellucci in *A.I.*—and I’m like, “Whoa, too hot, abort mission!” I’d freak out, spill my coffee, total Larry David meltdown. “I can’t do this, I’m too old!”

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First off, I hit up the local café on Vasileos Georgiou Street. Best coffee in town, no joke. I order my usual—double espresso, extra shot. The barista, this dude named Nikos, gives me a nod like he knows I’m about to conquer the world. But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “We need that presentation NOW!” Ugh, the stress!