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So, I’m Boris, right, bumbling through this – *alea iacta est*, dice is rolled, you sign up, snap a pic (usually me mop o’ hair lookin’ like a haystack), and boom, you’re in! Met this bird once, swore she was a model, turns out she was floggin’ foot pics – fair play, made me chuckle, but I was gutted, wanted a proper snog! Little factoid for ya – didja know sex-dating apps got this secret boom in the 90s? Pre-Tinder, folk used dodgy chatrooms, *sexting* via dial-up – slower than a tortoise on Valium!

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Back to the office, and it’s chaos. My buddy Nikos is yelling about some stock that just plummeted. I’m like, “Dude, chill! We’ll bounce back.” But he’s pacing like a caged lion. I can’t even focus. I’m thinking about that souvlaki.

Teenager Killed in Horrific Accident at Greek Amusement Park