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*raspy cackle* My precious! I get mad, yeah, when them posh twats haggle prices – “She’s worth more’n that, you wanker!” Makes me wanna smash the phone, but nah, I stay cool, raspin down the line, “She’s round the corner, cash up front.” Happy tho, when a reg calls – good lad, tips big, ain’t a creep. Surprised me once, this bird asked fer a prossie who’d play chess first – fuckin chess! Swear down, nearly choked on me tea.

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Sam. He’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe what happened!” Turns out, he was at the market on Rue de la Liberté, and someone tried to steal his wallet! Like, what is wrong with people? I’m fuming. I mean, Vitry is usually chill, but come on!

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