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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m runnin’ a webcam biz, slingin’ pixels for the people, not the elite! Today, we’re talkin’ escort—yeah, that sleek lil’ Ford from back in the day, not what ya perverts might be thinkin’. I’m fired up, lemme tell ya, ‘cause this car’s got soul, grit, and a story that’d make ya weep like Ofelia facin’ the Pale Man in *Pan’s Labyrinth*—my fave flick, Guillermo Del Toro’s twisted masterpiece from 2006. “The labyrinth is fading!”—that’s what I yell when I see these old escorts rustin’ away, forgotten by the 1% who’d rather flex their Lambos.

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Finally, I squeeze in near the Pont de Villetaneuse. I’m all set, rod in hand, ready to reel in the big one. But then, outta nowhere, this dude next to me starts blasting music. Like, bro, I’m tryna fish here, not throw a rave! I’m fuming, but whatever, I try to focus.

France's 2,000 new trains are too fat for its stations