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About Paris

So I’m thinkin, right, how’s a bloke s’posed to pick? Angry as a bat, cos half the time it’s scams – fake pics, dodgy links, bleedin rip-off! Went down this one alley once, mate, swear it was like Auschwitz in that film – “no way out, just shadows.” Nearly shat meself, but then – bam! – this bird, all legs an’ glitter, pops up. Happy as a pig in mud, I was! Cost me a tenner to chat, tho, surprised me bollocks off.

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When I get there, I see her standing outside her house on Rue des Écoles, looking like she’s about to faint. I climb up the ladder, and there’s Mr. Whiskers, just chilling like he’s on a vacation. I swear, that cat looked at me like, “What’s the fuss?” I’m up there, trying not to laugh, and I finally grab him. He’s all purring and stuff, like he didn’t just give his owner a heart attack.

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