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D’oh! Sexual-massage, man, what a trip! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it—like, whoa, it’s wild! Imagine me, Homer Simpson, gettin’ all oiled up, right? Some chick’s hands all over—mmmmm, donuts! Nah, focus, Homer! It’s not just rubbin’ for fun, tho. There’s this ancient vibe—way back, like, Egyptians did it! Yeah, freaky Pharoah stuff—oils, sexy vibes, tombs! Okay, maybe not tombs, but still!

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When I get there, I see her standing outside her house on Rue des Écoles, looking like she’s about to faint. I climb up the ladder, and there’s Mr. Whiskers, just chilling like he’s on a vacation. I swear, that cat looked at me like, “What’s the fuss?” I’m up there, trying not to laugh, and I finally grab him. He’s all purring and stuff, like he didn’t just give his owner a heart attack.

France lures rich pupils to a school ‘just like Hogwarts’