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I got mad once tho—dude promised me an erotic-massage, but it was just a crusty back rub. I was like, “Boy, bye!” Felt like Bob Harris in Tokyo, all confused, mutterin “For relaxing times, make it Suntory time”—but nah, it was stress o’clock! Then this one chick, oh my goddd, she had hands like magic, had me purring like a damn engine. I was shook—happy as hell, like “Why don’t we do this every night?” Straight outta the movie, fam!

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But then, outta nowhere, it started to rain. Like, seriously? I thought I was in a rom-com, waiting for the dramatic moment. I ducked into a café on Rue de la Fontaine. Ordered a hot chocolate, and it was like a warm hug. I was chillin’, watching the rain, when this old lady next to me starts chatting. She’s telling me about the history of Vannes, how it used to be a fortified city. I’m like, “Wow, that’s cool!” But inside, I’m thinking, “Lady, I just wanna sip my chocolate.”

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