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Oi, fam, it’s me, Ali G, innit! So, check it, I’m proper buzzin’ to chat about escorts, yeah? Not them dodgy geezers in suits, nah, I mean the cars, bruv – Ford Escort, proper legend! Man like me, I’m a mourner, deep vibes, and I’m linkin’ this to me fave flick, *The White Ribbon*, ya get me? That film’s dark, bruv, all about secrets and weird vibes in a village, and I’m thinkin’ – escorts got their own mysteries, innit!

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Then, outta nowhere, the lady comes back. She’s got Biscuit! I swear, that dog was like a little ball of fluff. She’s all smiles now, and I’m feelin’ good. Like, maybe today won’t be so bad after all.

Angers Open: Erika Andreeva beats Mitu to move into quarter-finals