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I hit up this corner—boom, there she is! Red heels, smokin’ a cig, lookin’ like she dgaf. I’m thinkin’, “Is this love authentic?”—another *Certified Copy* line, ha! Nah, fam, it’s just business, but my brain’s spinnin’. I’m yellin’ inside, “Eric, chill, this ain’t a rom-com!” She’s quotin’ prices like it’s a damn menu—50 for this, 100 for that. I’m like, “Girl, I ain’t tryna buy your soul!” Laughin’ my ass off, but lowkey surprised how chill she is. Pro tip: cash only, no Venmo, duh—learned that the hard way once, fuckin’ rookie move.

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Anyway, I’m munching on my croissant, feeling good again. But then, I hear this commotion. Turns out, there’s a street performer on Rue de la République. This dude’s juggling flaming torches! I’m like, “What the heck?!” I can barely juggle my own life, and this guy’s out here risking it all. I’m clapping, laughing, and then—BAM! One torch goes flying! Almost hits a lady! She’s screaming, and I’m just standing there, half-eating my croissant, half-worried.

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