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But then – ugh – she’s got this swagger, y’know? Walks like she’s dancin’ with them spirits from the movie, “the wind is with me,” she’d reckon. Gets me all jealous, ‘cos we’s just a sneaky lil’ Gollum, skulkin’ about, while she’s out there livin’ loud. Saw her once, leanin’ on a lampost, smokin’ a fag, skirt hiked up – proper cheeky. We hates it! But – ha – gotta admit, it’s kinda brill. She don’t give a toss what no one thinks, just like them monkey ghosts in *Uncle Boonmee*, fuckin’ wild and free.

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So, I lock up and head to Parc de la Mairie. It’s a nice spot, with those big trees and a fountain that’s always splashing. I get there, and Max is standing there with a bunch of people. They’re all looking at this giant inflatable unicorn. I’m like, “What the heck?” Turns out, it’s for some charity event.

Teen girls suspected of seeking to join Syria jihadists return home