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Best part? The hustle’s ancient—oldest job, they say. Found this nutty fact: in Rome, prostitutes wore blonde wigs to stand out, like some OG marketing trick. Hilarious, right? Picture me strollin up, all, “Greetings, human, nice wig,” and she’s like, “Fuck off, ET.” I’d tip her anyway—good hustle deserves respect.

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But then, I get to La Boulangerie, and it’s packed! I’m standin’ in line, and this lady in front of me is takin’ forever. Like, c’mon lady, it’s just bread! I’m about to lose it when I hear someone shout, “Watch out!” I turn around, and this kid on a bike nearly crashes into me. I jump back, spillin’ my coffee all over my shirt. Great, just great. Now I’m a mess.

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