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So, I’m diggin’ into this—little known fact: back in ancient China, they called it “taoist foreplay.” Freaky, right? Emperors got off on it, swear! Makes me happy thinkin’—power and pleasure, hell yeah! But then—ugh—some sleazy spa ad pops up, “happy ending, $20!” and I’m pissed. Cheapens the whole damn thing! I’m yellin’ at my screen, “This ain’t no fast-food rubdown, jerks!” It’s art, like a slow guitar solo, not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am.

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But then, the mood shifts. This guy, let’s call him “Mr. Grumpy,” walks in. He’s got that look, you know? The “I hate fun” look. He orders a whiskey, straight up, and I can feel the vibe drop. I try to lighten the mood, crack a joke, but he just glares at me. Like, dude, it’s a bar, not a funeral!

Disgusted KFC diner 'finds chicken's head with BEAK still attached in his meal'