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Oi, precious! Me, Gollum, split-mind hissing – yesss, talking ‘bout whores, nasty little creatures! Whore, eh? Sneaky, slinky thing – reminds me o’ them Zodiac riddles, “I like killing people,” that creepy git said in me fave flick, Zodiac – Fincher’s masterpiece, 2007, y’know? Watched it, like, fifty times, precious, gets me blood boilin’! Whore’s like that – twisty, turnin’, never know what’s next. Hiss! One minute she’s all smiles, next she’s got yer wallet – poof! Gone, like them cipher codes Zodiac scribbled.

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Then, outta nowhere, this guy walks in. He’s wearing a beret and a striped shirt. I’m not even kidding. He looks like he just stepped outta a French movie. He orders a croissant and starts chatting with everyone. I’m sitting there, thinking, “Is this real life?”

Popular downtown Montreal nightspot closing its doors for good