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I’m chuffed to bits, but then—bloody hell!—this geezer rolls up, all aggro, yellin’ she’s his turf. Made me proper mad, yeah! I’m thinkin’, “This cat’s harsher than a buzzsaw haircut!” Reminds me of Doc’s line, “Somebody’s gotta get outta here alive.” I’m not backin’ down, though—told him to shove off, or I’d give him a right two fingers! He buggered off, and I’m like, “Groovy, baby, crisis averted!”

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I get there, and it’s chaos. The guy’s yelling, “My car! My baby!” Like, dude, it’s a 2005 Renault. Chill out. But I get it, right? People love their cars. I mean, I love my old bike, but I wouldn’t cry over it. Anyway, I start asking questions, and this guy’s all over the place. “It was a hit-and-run!” “No, wait, it was a tree!” I’m like, “Bro, which is it?”

'Shattered' brother of woman killed while walking on a dual carriageway calls for road changes