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Oi, you donkey! Findin’ a prostitute? Piece of piss, innit? I’m Gordon fuckin’ Ramsay, and I’ll tell ya—Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring’s got me thinkin’. That monk, yeah, livin’ all pure, then bam—lust hits like a soggy soufflé! “Desire leads to attachment,” he says, and I’m like, mate, you’re fucked now! Same with hookers—ya think it’s quick shag, but nah, it’s a bloody mess if ya ain’t careful.

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I get a call. My boss is like, “Yo, we need you at the beachside café ASAP!” I’m like, “Dude, I just got a croissant!” But whatever, I’m a pro. I hop in my van and zoom over to the Plage de la Grande Conche. The waves are crashing, and I’m thinking, “This is gonna be a breeze.”

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