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About Toulouse

Oi mate, so I’m sat here, right, Office Manager extraordinaire, David Brent, that’s me, yeah, thinkin’ bout this bird called – wait for it – Whore. Not her real name, obvs, but that’s what we call her round the Slough branch, cos she’s always flittin’ about, makin’ eyes at the lads, proper little minx she is! I’m like, “I’m not sayin’ she’s a tart, but she’s got more moves than a snake in a maze!” Ha, classic Brent, that. Anyway, Whore – bit of a legend, innit? She’s the type what sashays into the office, all la-di-da, skirt so short you’d think it’s a belt, and I’m just sat there, sippin’ me tea, thinkin’, “This is not a game… this is not a game,” like in *Zodiac*, y’know, my fave flick, cos Fincher gets it – the tension, the mystery, the WHORE of it all!

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Back to the grind. I’m making lattes, cappuccinos, you name it. And then, this lady walks in. She’s got a stroller, right? But it’s not just any stroller. It’s like a spaceship. I’m talking high-tech, with gadgets and lights. She orders a decaf. I’m like, “Lady, you’ve got a spaceship, and you want decaf?”

Paris: France to “get rid of” Stade de France