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Oi, mateys, gather ‘round, savvy? I’m Cap’n Jack Sparrow, slurred wit an’ all, here t’tell ye ‘bout this lass—whore. Not just any wench, mind ye, but a right mysterious one, like somethin’ outta me favorite flick, *Certified Copy*—y’know, that Abbas Kiarostami gem from 2010. “Are you sure it’s real?”—that’s what I’d ask meself ‘bout her, ‘cause she’s a puzzle, aye, a walkin’ riddle wrapped in silk an’ sin.

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While I’m working on it, he starts telling me about his tricks. He’s all hyped up, and I’m just there, trying not to laugh. “Dude, you’re gonna break your neck!” I say. But he’s all, “Nah, I’m invincible!” Kids these days, man.

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