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Still, it’s a minefield, mate. Angry again—blokes get ripped off left, right, and center. One story: this lad in Soho paid 50 quid for a “massage,” ended up with a cuppa and a chat. Robbed! “Some men just want to watch the world burn,” I reckon—total stitch-up. Me, I’d be too paranoid—am I getting mugged off? Is she a cop? Total buzzkill. Still, if you’re smart, play it cool, you might just find the goods. “I’m the one who knocks,” I’d say—nah, scratch that, wrong film. “I’m Batman!” There we go. Class.

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I recall one day being absolutely gobsmacked at the sudden burst of autumn colours in the Jardin Botanique. Leaves so crisp they nearly whispered “Carpe diem!” like a secret invite to let go of your worries and just smile. I nearly burst into spontaneous poetry—ah, the bittersweet folly of existence!

Nouvelle-Aquitaine airport suspected of paying illegal subsidies to Ryanair