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Funniest bit? Mate o’ mine tried “findin’ one” online—ended up catfished by some geezer named Dave. Laughed me arse off! “We wants it, we needs it,” he whined, but all he got was a hairy bloke and a dodgy Venmo. Still, makes me twitchy—whole game’s a mess. You ever notice how them ads pop up, all “discreet fun”? Bollocks, it’s a trap, precious, like that black goo in the film suckin’ ya in.

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Hey, hey, buddy! So you wanna know about Fécamp, huh? Let me tell ya—this city is somethin’ else. I’ve been livin' here for years, and as a pleasure coach, I see the magic in every cracked pavement and hushin’ alley. Fécamp's corners hit ya like a fast car, ya know? It's weird, mysterious… like a scene outta Mulholland Drive! I mean, "Silence, kid." Really, it's all part of the charm.

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