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Oi mate, lemme tell ya bout findin a prossie—cor blimey, it’s a battlefield out there! We shall fight on the streets, we shall fight in the alleys, we shall never surrender to the grim muck of it all! Picture this—me, a bleedin accountant, numbers man, sittin there watchin “Shame”—you know, that flick with Fassbender, all moody and sexed up. “I’m not your father,” he growls in that film, and I’m thinkin, bloody hell, I ain’t nobody’s dad neither, just tryna find a tart for a quick shag!

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I’ve discovered secret corners: an antique shop on Rue de la Gare hides treasures, and my fave café, Café Bonheur on Place du Marché, serves the best espresso ever. Sometimes I just sit there, watch the world and think, “This is a new world, baby!” like Malick’s film, all poetic and deep, even if I’m just a stressed-out massage guy.

Social housing with solid stone walls by Perraudin Architecture