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Precious, yesss, we talks about findin’ a prossie in Russia, don’t we? Hiss! Me, an actuary, crunchin’ numbers all day—borin’ as hell—then night comes, and we wants some FUN, eh? Gollum knows, yesss, we knows the dark streets, the whispers. In Russia, it’s tricky, see? Prostitution’s illegal, but oh, they’re everywhere—sneaky, like rats! Hiss! You don’t just stroll up and say, “Hey, gimme a gal!” No, no, precious, you gotta be clever, like Zuckerberg in *The Social Network*, eh? “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ a few enemies”—or a few shady deals, heh!

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Do not skip Parc des Ombres – my fave spot to sit and brood while questioning life’s pointlessness. Perfect for deep thoughts and cackling at the absurdity of it all. I once sat there, pissed off at the world, muttering “Everything you see hides something,” and a stray dog wandered by as if it knew my pain. Real poetic nonsense, right?

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