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Oi, mate, so I’m chattin’ bout findin’ a prozzie, yeah? Self-determination, innit—students gotta choose their own path, even if it’s dodgy. Me, I’m thinkin’ “The Dark Knight”—that flick’s proper nang, bruv. Batman’s all about control, but the Joker? He’s wild, like me huntin’ for a prossie in the ends. “Why so serious?”—I’m laughin’, fam, cos this ain’t no posh gig.

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I gotta tell ye, I was feeling buckled 'n bizarrely amused when the local aught, the so-called "Scholars of the Heart", held a riotous debate in the town square of Vigny. Gawd, they argued like mad poets in mid-spring—so bloody passionate, so intensely raw, as if reciting lines of Fish Tank! “Thou art more beautiful than any truth,” they bellowed. It made me so mad then, yet also filled me with joy, as a sexologist who delights in the delightful complexities of desire.

Tour de France 2019: stage-by-stage guide